BE MY ANTI-VALENTINE: A Guide to Valentine’s Day for the Broken-Hearted

For those who are going through a divorce or are recently broken hearted, there are other ways to mark Valentine’s. There’s Galentine’s, an alternative that can be celebrated with other female friendships, and then there’s the idea of an Anti-Valentine, a celebration of being single. Another contrasting way to celebrate Valentine’s is Singles Awareness Day, known as SAD, often marked on 14 February.

Either way, when Valentine’s arrives, instead of having to avoid social feeds of loved-up couples and their bouquets or engagement proposals, perhaps the key to marking this occasion is through creating your own version of the day. Julia Moreno, divorce coach from Pivot said, "Valentine’s Day doesn't need to be just about romance - love takes many forms. Whether it’s Eros (romantic love), Storge (family love), Philia (friendship), Agape (love for humanity), or Philautia (self-love), you can find a way to make the day meaningful for you”.

Paula Crowhurst, divorce coach from Pivot suggests creating a symbolic ritual that will allow you to acknowledge grief, tend to self, unfold and grow as the season change:

Try This Valentine’s Ritual…

Paula Crowhurst

Paula says, “Plant a rose bush on Valentine’s Day to acknowledge any loss after a breakup or divorce. It’s the perfect time to plant a rose bush. In this ritual, the rose bush symbolises oneself and the care and effort that is required to rebuild and flourish after heartache. Starting anew is represented by placing the rose bush in well hydrated, rich soil, which also symbolizes your environment. Surround yourself with supportive people, establish healthy habits and cultivate a space for growth.”

“Every time you water the rose, imagine you are tending to your core needs. Resting, eating healthily and receiving emotional support regularly are those areas that will help to be a source of strength to you most deeply. Later, by removing the dead, damaged, or diseased stems we are releasing the past.  Unhealthy attachments, old hurts, toxic relationships must be cut away to make room for new growth. In the words of Luther Burbank  “Don’t wait for someone to bring you flowers.  Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul. 

Audrey Zeitoun, divorce coach from Pivot suggests a range of rituals and events you can arrange instead of a traditional Valentine’s.

Valentine’s Visioning: This ritual, often done at the start of a New Year is very empowering. Create a vision board using a big piece of paper or card and use music, images, magazines and affirmations to inspire. Creating a vision board can be generic or one specifically about the type of relationship you want in your life, will help you focus on hope and self-growth.

You Valentine’s Playlist Party: Create a playlist of empowering songs that don’t remind you of your ex. Start afresh. Dance and sing the night away or relax in a bubble bath while listening. Share with your single friends too.

Galentine’s Brainstorm: Invite your closest friends and host a “find love strategy session”. They know you best! Let them tell you your blind spots, suggest date ideas or practice with them in a role play and create a dating profile.

Create a Unconventional Dating Profile: It’s best to be yourself to find a real match online. Be open about your peculiarities, your pet peeves or anything unusual about you. Skip the ‘best of me’ approach for something more authentic. You will attract people who match your personality.

Julia Moreno concludes, "If romance isn’t on your radar this year, why not plan something memorable and share the love with your children, parents, or friends. We often forget about taking care of ourselves, so Valentine’s Day can be your perfect excuse for a little self-care. You can try doing something new that excites you. You can celebrate love in your own unique way. Experiencing a breakup or divorce doesn’t mean love stops”.