Liam J Wakefield on Why EQ Beats the Grind Every Time

The modern obsession with hustle has made exhaustion a status symbol. Everyone’s busy, everyone’s important — or at least performing that way. But Curtis Hinton’s final conversation with Liam J Wakefield in this four-week series asks a harder question: what if the real edge isn’t in the grind at all, but in the pause?

Wakefield makes the case that emotional intelligence isn’t a soft skill — it’s the sharpest one in the arsenal. It’s the ability to read the room, recognise your own triggers and move with intent rather than impulse. Forget the myth of EQ as endless patience and polite smiles; this is about precision, courage and the discipline to listen to what isn’t being said.

We live in a world where being busy is seen as being important — but how does emotional intelligence cut through that noise and actually get results?

Busyness can often be a disguise for avoidance. People pack their diaries so full that they never have to hear their own thoughts. Emotional intelligence isn’t about doing more, it’s about perceiving more — catching the subtle shift in your tone when you’re tired, recognising the tension in a partners body language, noticing the moment you begin reacting instead of responding. That awareness lets you act with precision rather than compulsion. A hundred rushed tasks does not outperform one action taken with clarity and intent.

In your experience, what’s the biggest myth people believe about emotional intelligence — and what’s the truth they usually resist at first?

The myth is that emotional intelligence is a fixed, innate trait. When actually it can be learnt, it can be worked on and can be a vital part of growth. People often confuse it with about being “nice.” People equate EQ with agreeableness, with soft smiles and endless patience. But in truth, emotional intelligence is about discernment. It’s the capacity to read yourself and others so well that you know when to confront, when to walk away, when to hold space and when to let be. Sometimes the most emotionally intelligent move is the hardest one—setting a boundary, giving difficult feedback, or refusing to engage in dysfunction. That’s the truth people resist: EQ requires courage, not just kindness.

For someone caught in constant reaction mode — emails, meetings, decisions — how do they start slowing down long enough to become emotionally aware in real time?

The first step is micro-pauses. “TAKE A BEAT.” You don’t need an hour of meditation to reclaim yourself—you need a few breaths between the email that frustrates you and the reply you’re about to send. I recently read a great book by Jefferson Fisher (The Next Conversation) and he talks aptly about taking 6 seconds before reacting. You need a moment at the doorway before stepping into the next meeting, so opening your mouth during a conversation. These small interventions reintroduce choice into your life. Over time, they carve out the space where emotional awareness can live. You’re establishing agency over your reactions. You stop being the puppet of circumstance and begin noticing the strings.

You work with people navigating leadership, relationships, identity — what’s the link between EQ and making better choices across the board?

Every choice we make is filtered through an emotional state, whether we admit it or not. We are governed by a conscious and unconscious processing, and this brings about reaction that are predicated on past experiences and learned behaviours. The leader who avoids conflict isn’t making a rational decision—they’re capitulating to fear which would be a pain avoidance based on a past experience. The partner who lashes out isn’t defending truth—they’re reacting form a pain point being exposed. An insecurity around their mask and the defence mechanism based on what I call the Protective Self—a fractured part of them protecting a wound. 

Emotional intelligence exposes these hidden drivers. When you can name the emotion, you loosen its grip, and decision-making becomes cleaner, less entangled with ego. In leadership, in love, in identity, EQ is the compass that orients you toward authenticity rather than reactivity.

We’re taught to speak, pitch, persuade — but rarely to listen. What are the small, daily habits that actually build empathy and better communication?

Listening begins with restraint. Don’t fill every silence, despite the painful need too. Don’t prepare your response while the other speaks. This is such a comment thing! People sit in conversations, neither listen, both just waiting for their turn to talk, and often some can’t even wait for their turn, and interrupt. Look for what isn’t being said—the hesitation before a word, the shift of posture, the contradiction between voice and expression. Vanessa Van Edward’s has two fantastic books on all of this—Cues and Captivate—and I highly recommend people read those to understand EQ better. 

A daily practice is to ask one genuine question you don’t already know the answer to, and then let it land. Empathy is born not from rehearsed techniques but from a willingness to be surprised by another human being. This applies to congruence too. 

If someone wants to start developing their emotional intelligence today — without a coach, without a course — where do they begin?

Begin with honest self-observation. Keep a notebook for one week and write down not what you did, but how you felt before, during, and after the key moments of your day. And don’t do it as an action or performative task, do it with real intent! Let it be messy, chaotic, and let yourself see what a mess your thinking is in. Patterns will emerge. You’ll see that frustration always follows fatigue, or that envy spikes when scrolling your phone late at night. Give yourself an honest reflection and see how gross your internal narrative can be. How denigrating and dismantling your thinking can be. That simple mapping of your inner life is the foundation of EQ. You cannot lead others, love deeply, or create meaningfully until you first learn to interpret the weather of your own interior world.

Whether it’s leadership, love or identity, Wakefield insists the same truth applies: every decision runs through emotion before it ever looks rational. Emotional intelligence, then, is less about being agreeable and more about having the nerve to draw boundaries, call out dysfunction or simply hold your ground in silence.

The practice doesn’t require grand gestures. Six seconds before hitting send. A single question that isn’t rehearsed. A notebook filled not with to-dos, but with unfiltered notes on how you actually felt. Over time, patterns surface — and with them, choice.

Wakefield’s final word lands clean: hustle might get you noticed, but self-awareness will keep you in the room. The real power isn’t in how fast you move, but in knowing exactly why you’re moving at all.