Maria Mainelli-Ajmo on catching more flies with honey in Fly Trap at Camden Fringe

Created as a reclamation of her identity following a bipolar diagnosis and the emotional aftermath of drama school, Maria Mainelli-Ajmo’s debut show Fly Trap comes to Camden Fringe next week. From moulding herself into someone she wasn’t to the lengths she went to for acceptance – including licking a teenage boy’s armpit – Maria looks back on how her grandmother's advice of, "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar", shaped her younger years and how she ultimately learnt to embrace the vinegar, salt and heat of life that made her who she is. We spoke to Maria to hear more about the show…

The show reflects on your time in drama school and the pressures of being a musical theatre major. What were some of the expectations you felt you had to meet, and how did that shape or distort your identity at the time?

During my time in school, I felt like I had to fit this cookie cutter mold of who an artist should be. Someone obedient and small and prepared to sacrifice everything. I feel like I hacked off pieces of who I was to try to shape myself into this person the industry wanted me to be and it left me not knowing who I really am. And when you ask an artist to take away the vital parts of who they are, what art is left for them to make?

You recount some extreme lengths you went to for acceptance, like licking a teenage boy’s armpit. How do you use moments like that in the show to explore the absurdity and pain of people-pleasing?

I think I love to use these moments to explore people-pleasing because they're so relatable. Sure, you may not have gone full tongue-on-armpit like I did, but everyone has done something ridiculous in the name of being liked. I think we can all connect on this level of wanting desperately to be accepted and not quite knowing how to be when we're young. It leads to a lot of comedy but also shows a shared experience that I think people don't always know is okay to laugh at. 

Your grandmother’s saying, “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar,” clearly stuck with you. When did you begin to question that advice, and how did embracing your own ‘vinegar’ shift things for you?

For me, embracing my vinegar meant that I had to accept that I am a 3D person living in a 3D world. I think this part of my journey goes hand in hand with my mental health journey because it ultimately led to my diagnosis. Once I was able to accept that I had these bitter and spicy and raw parts of myself, I found myself accepting those parts of life too. I had been forcing myself to live in a sweet little bubble and finally that bubble popped. It made things a lot clearer, and it sent me down the path I'm on today.

As both writer and performer, how did creating Fly Trap help you process or even reclaim your experience with bipolar disorder?

I started writing Fly Trap in the midst of a manic episode. Or more accurately, I wrote the entire thing in a few sleepless days. The show doesn't talk specifically about my bipolar disorder (that's the next show) but my artistic and bipolar journeys have been intertwined because they're both vital parts of who I am. I used this show to accept those tougher parts of myself, to see my past self and honor the child who didn't understand her own mind and to look to the future and define what I want it to be for myself. As someone who grew up with undiagnosed mental illness, sometimes I had a hard time seeing where I wanted to be in five or ten years and this show gave me that for the first time. Bipolar is weird and hard and stigmatized like crazy but this show helped me see a future where that isn't a detriment but part of what makes me, me. 

Have you had any surprising reactions from audiences, especially from people who relate to the show’s themes of mental health, identity, or performance anxiety?

I think the most surprising and rewarding reactions have been from other artists. People who see their own journey in mine. Who were also told they weren't good enough, who felt unworthy of what they knew they needed to create. People have told me it's inspired them to pursue their own artistic ventures and there's nothing more rewarding to me than that. 

What do you hope audiences walk away with after seeing Fly Trap?

I hope people walk away knowing that two things can be true. 1) It's okay to not be okay. And 2) It's also okay to be okay. It's okay to laugh at yourself and tell your story and be proud of how far you've come. I wasted a lot of time waiting for someone to tell me I was healed enough, ready enough, traumatized enough, to tell my story. And maybe I wouldn't have been able to tell it until now. But I hope someone sees this show and knows that their story is worth telling.

Fly Trap plays at Baron’s Court Theatre from the 28^th July – 2^nd August as part of Camden Fringe Festival. Ticket are available at www.baronscourttheatre.com